From the Valley

Jack and Warnie,
I have been neglecting my post since I arrived home, merely because I haven't wanted to look at a computer screen since school ended. Most of what I am referring too you wrote about awhile ago but I wanted to contribute all the same. I too have felt "the black dog" on me the last couple of weeks and usually I try to run away from it by throwing myself even farther into my work which only makes it worse. Being at school never helps. I truly believe that Mary Washington is over a vent of hell. It seems that at any point when I am finally starting to relax and feel like I can enjoy myself there, all my confidence is sucked out and I become my worst self. The one that scares me the most.
I was talking to our President the other day and he was talking about the college bus transport system. He was saying how on other campuses he had been on the bus was a lively place full of music and students. "Its just dead," he said looking at me. And of course, without thinking I looked at him and said "You could say that about our entire campus Sir." He looked at me a little surprised and said "Can I keep you around? You seem to tell it like it is." And then he went on to say that he was trying to fix that. But the whole point of that story is to say that that is how I feel in the winter at Mary Washington...dead.
I think that is why I love the valley so much. There is something about this place, a presence of God, that no matter what is going on, I never feel alone. I know that these feelings of loneliness are a result of stress, fatigue, winter being generally gross, some demented form of SAD, and my lack of church going lately (every church I have been to in fredericksburg lately I've gotten so angry that I can't take communion). And at the same time I know that they are utterly necessary. I believe in a lot of what Jack said in his post. Its hard though. This semester has also been a huge lesson in mental strength. There are times when my mind wanders and I know that I do not have the strength to think about those things, but I do it anyway...and i shouldn't. So I have been working on that. Anytime I find myself slipping, I try to refocus on thinking about God or, if I'm being particularly stubborn, at least something happy.
I love this time of year in the Valley though. I am not a spring person, you both know that I am a girl of the sun but there is anticipation here. Everything, the birds,t he trees, and the mountains themselves are quivering with the anticipation of spring...and that makes me happy. Soon it will be time for rebirth, for celebration of Christ rising again, and a time for our spirits, our hearts, and our minds to be cleansed and made anew.
love,
Bboo